Archives for the month of: April, 2013
My old roommate had this on his FB wall. It about sums up my thoughts on the matter.

My old roommate had this on his FB wall. It about sums up my thoughts on the matter.

I started this blog as I was preparing to move from Boston to the Albany area of NY. I’d moved to Boston for graduate school, and had started my career there. 6 years living within biking distance of the T, and right on multiple MBTA buslines. I lived in Somerville and Arlington, went to school in Cambridge, worked in Brighton, and Charlestown and Dorchester. I also grew up less than 2 hours northwest of Boston. I refuse to call myself a Bostonian, because I’m from NH dammit and I won’t be labeled a Masshole. But Boston was my home for a long time. I did a lot of growing up there.

One of my roommates right after grad school had an amazing girlfriend who ran marathons for the Liver Foundation. They are now married, and she ran again this year. Through them I met another fantastic friend who was also running for the liver foundation. My cousin qualified to run the Boston Marathon in 2011, and I biked out to see him. I met the woman that he married last month that Monday.

So even though I did not have the day off, I did not watch the marathon, and I was not in Boston, yesterday is hitting pretty close to home. Because I would have been there. I am often in the scrum near the finish trying to find my friends. That could have been me. I’m so very, very glad it wasn’t, and I’m so very, very glad that all of my friends are ok, but still. These sorts of things are supposed to happen somewhere else, to someone else, not to “my” city, not to “my” people.

To add insult to injury, one of the fatalities in Boston is an 8 year old boy. My client that died in February was 8. Too close to home.

We had a regularly scheduled trauma-informed training today. That is, we are learning how work with kids who have long histories of trauma and how to effectively treat them. And our instructor Would. Not. Shut. UP. about how it’s making everyone feel on edge, and that it’s making people fear that there are bombs in buildings. He named the school I work at specifically as a school that people might be afraid had bombs in it.  He clearly didn’t even think that anyone had personal ties to Boston, or to people who might be running. He didn’t even check to see if we were ok emotionally about it. I was really pissed. I had to spend most of the morning trying not to cry. I had a really hard time with it. I posted something bitchy on FB around 11am.

My father called my cell shortly after that, and left a voicemail letting me know that while he was now ok, someone in my family had recently taken ill, and was being cared for. That was it. I lost it. I had to leave the room, and couldn’t stop crying.

I cancelled my appointments for the day, and came home. I’m still not ok, but at least I’m not crying. Jarak was here, and he gave me hugs and let me just decompress. I’m knitting a hat for my niece who’s due this week. I’m mailing a check to our wedding photographer. I will go to the gym tonight and do deadlifts with my friend. I’m doing really basic, self-care things, and not being at work. Work is really hard right now. I need some scheduled time off I think. This is just too much.

I am fortunate to have many very talented, caring and involved aunts. Jarak has almost as many. And then there’s my Easter family, so that’s another bunch of involved and awesome people. They are volunteering to make food, dye cloth, find silk, help with setup and cleanup and generally be awesome people who aren’t *in* the wedding party, but are very close to it. If we didn’t have aunts, I don’t think this wedding would be happening. We are very much powered by aunties. So thank you all so so SO much!

On the not-so-wonderful end of things. I’m starting to get planning fatigue. It seems like the decisions to be made are never-ending, and the money to be spent is never-ending as well. Things that I thought were settled in one way, Jarak assumed were settled another way. Our communication has been breaking down, which has been tough.

Added to that is the stress of not seeing a whole lot of each other, and the times that we do have together, we are doing wedding planning, talking about money, one of us is half asleep or otherwise not focusing on us as a couple. We barely see each other during the week. Jarak is doing a bunch of web design work, partly for wedding stuff, and so he’s focused on that during his free time.

Part of me wants the wedding to just hurry up and get here so that we can go on our honeymoon and spend a week together without any more decisions to be made than when we should get up and what we want to do that day. We’re planning on taking a couple of days in a week or so to just spend time together

I also want the wedding to just hurry up and get here so that I can go back to having a normal life. I feel like I turn down so many things with the excuse “I can’t, I have to save money for the wedding/plan for the wedding/do xyzq for the wedding.” Fortunately, I’m told that not being able to do anything except wedding is pretty normal. My friend Kels told me, after I was lamenting about not getting my cousin’s wedding present put together and in the mail, that there is no way to do a very do-it-yourself wedding and get anything else done in the meantime. That made me feel a bit better.